I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
