Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
