I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
