she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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