Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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