is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
