I love black thongs
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
