Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
How's work?
Spinning.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
