Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
