I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
