all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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