No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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