I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
