Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
