I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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