I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
