shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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