i think my mom watched the whole time
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
