Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
