Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
