So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
