I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Sorry my hands just texted you
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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