addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
