Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
