I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize