Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
