is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
