If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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