I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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