There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
