Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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