Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
