highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He did a backflip because drugs
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
