people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize