I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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