I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
