i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
