Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
