do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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