anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
