I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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