yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
