if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm sobbing to NWA
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
