he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
