I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
