Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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