why didn't you poke me back
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize