Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
