She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
