this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
