just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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