Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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