This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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