We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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