I wanna passion pit in your ass
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
do herpes really smell.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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