I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
