she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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