I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
