Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
