just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
