His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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