A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
