You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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