Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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