We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
then he tried to convert me to islam
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize