woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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