Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Houston, we have a blender
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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