I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
