Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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