I love black thongs
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
