My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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