He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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