i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
how drunk are you?
Several
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
