Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
