he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
