drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
