So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
