I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize