the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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