hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
