You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
